The internal struggle.

Thursday, 20 March 2014

In the process of "finding my dream feet," I have spent many hours and days fighting from within.
Everyone wants to achieve something great and I believe that everyone was meant to. The problem is that awful darkness that sets in the moment you start to dream. Whatever you may believe the "darkness" is to you, doesn't really matter, except that it is real. I have had very inspiring moments that felt almost tangible, yet within no time at all the second guessing comes biting at my feet. I don't know how I let it happen but somehow I become the captor to my own prison. I find that I "tie" myself to things that actually have nothing to do with defining me. A photo of a model, the work of other artists, an Instagram feed, a FB post, a walk through a shop, an overheard conversation....all things that are seemingly mundane and innocent yet somehow find a way to make me question my abilities and worth. I know and you know that is ridiculous but "darkness" tends to work in subtleties. Particularly, some aspects of our lives feeding us with constant snippets of others so-called perfect lives when the reality is far from the image given. That is life. There is nothing that can change the ever chasing darkness from running after me except my allowance. Each time I listen to the voice of unreason I wrap that rope around a heavy planted tree where I pull and tie my dreams to their destruction. It  has become a matter of vigilance to "watch" for those would be "captors" and their "ropes." It is in learning to find the ability to release oneself from being bound to the ropes of self-defeat. Becoming the captain of your own destiny, releasing the ropes and casting them off.

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"What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when you bring what is within out into the world, miracles happen."
 -Henry David Thoreau


Renee Rivera said...

It feels like you wrote this from my heart. Thank you. I loved it!